So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
