My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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