like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
