Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i now understand why vodka
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
