So drunk its hurt
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I love having hate sex.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
