Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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