My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
where am i from again
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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