The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
