I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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