Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
