Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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