He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
