no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
