we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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