Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
