guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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