wanna go halves on a baby?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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