i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
