Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
