I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
