I just threw up on my dentist
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
