i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
