Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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