So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
