If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You may now shotgun with the bride
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize