4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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