What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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