Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
