I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
