**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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