We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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