I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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