I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
