everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Never joke about your clitoris.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
