At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize