the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
