OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
