Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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