I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
