No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
