I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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