Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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