So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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