i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize