I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
