he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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