Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
