There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
