I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
