everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
