The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize