i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
