tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
