When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
