I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
