i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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