i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
