i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
