Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
