I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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