well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
