I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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