One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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