I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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