My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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