When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am one with the molecules
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize