i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize